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| My Finger is Bare, But My Heart is Overflowing |
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| The views and opinions expressed on this blog are the views and expressions of the author and not necessarily my employer(s). |
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| Wed, April 16, 2008 8:05 PM |
It's been a very hard few weeks for me, no not because I'm now 30, but because I've lost something incredibly valuable to me. As I recall that sinking feeling I experienced that day a few weeks ago, chatting with my third graders, looking down at my hand for some reason, and noticing my finger, my left handed ring finger. My heart starts racing even now remembering that moment whenI lose my breath, panic, and tears start to roll down my face. I quickly excuse myself, searching frantically trying to retrace my steps thinking back to where it could be… coming up with nothing.
My wedding/engagement ring is gone, my finger is bare! My finger has not been bare for over seven years now. I've grown accustomed to the natural feel of these rings on my finger. The perfect fit, the security, the comfort these rings give me.
These two rings are so incredibly special, needless to say. They fill me with so many memories. I remember the look on Jamie's face as he got down on one knee and proposed to me. The absolute shock I was in at that moment. The rush of blood coming to my face, the anticipation of opening that lil' rose to see what a wonderful ring he had chosen completely for me.
The engagement ring especially is dear to me because I wasn't one of those girlfriends that hinted about rings, or begged for a certain size diamond, shape, color, ect. I didn't harass him daily or make snide remarks in front of people about waiting for him to "pop the question". The day he proposed was truly and absolutely a shock for me. (Now, I won't deny the fact that I was secretly wondering when it would happen)
Of course the actual wedding ring brings me back to our wedding day on July 28th, 2001. The rush of excitement I had when I heard my name changed from Allison Wischmeier to Allison Brown. All of the people helping us celebrate this very special time in our lives. Enjoying a day that was just for Jamie and me. A day to celebrate us, Jamie and Allison Brown united through Christ.
Anyway, so with all of these memories flooding my mind. I've been trying to find comfort in the fact that the rings are only material things. All of the true meaning is in the actual marriage not the rings. The stability I feel is due to Jamie, not the rings. The comfort I feel is because I know that we are truly bonded together by much more than the symbolism of those rings on my finger. It's the words we shared "for better or worse until death parts us" that truly gives me a sense of peace not the feeling of the rings on my finger.
Thankfully, unlike the rings, my heart is not bare. It's full of love and commitment, and while it may be hard to see at times, it's never lost. The rings can be replaced but my marriage can not.
I love you Jamie Brown.... man of my dreams, father of my children, hardworking, never complaining, back tickler, cuddle partner for life, my dawger truly the love of my life. |
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